The professionals at Statistics Solutions, Inc. realize that the process of completing a dissertation and obtaining a doctoral degree is frustrating and stressful. To lighten the mood and seriousness of this process, we have compiled our favorite dissertation humor quotes below.
We hope you enjoy a laugh as much as we do!
What “Ph.D.” really stands for!
- Piled higher and Deeper
- Patiently hoping for a Degree
- Professorship? Ha! Dream on!
- Please hire. Desperate.
- Pour him (or her) a Drink
- Probably headed for Divorce
- Probably heavily in Debt
- Parents have Doubts
- Professors have Doubts
- Permanent head Damage
- Pro at hurling Darts
- Proudly half Dead
The Ten Commandments For A Dissertation
- The creation of knowledge is thine only goal; thou shalt have no other goals before it.
- Thou shalt value research over teaching and publishing above all else.
- Thou shalt honor the theoretical over the practical.
- Thou shalt not criticize thy chairperson’s work.
- Thou shalt gratefully and humbly accept all criticism of thine own work.
- Thou shalt willingly share publications produced by your dissertation with your chair.
- Thy chairperson’s ideological and theoretical prejudices shall be thy prejudices.
- Thou shalt not complain about poverty, family problems, or poor job prospects.
- Thou shalt read the literature, memorize the literature, and cite the literature on command.
- Thou shalt not break the commandments in the presence of thy chairperson.
You just might be a graduate student if…
- Your office is better decorated than your apartment.
- You are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
- You have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
- You rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
- Everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
- You have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
- You have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
- There is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider “yours.”
- You actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
- You can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
- You look forward to summers because you’re more productive without the distraction of classes.
- You regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
- You consider all papers to be works in progress.
- Professors don’t really care when you turn in work anymore.
- You find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
- You have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
- You have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
- You find yourself explaining to children that you are in “20th grade.”
- You start referring to stories like “Snow White, et al.”
- You frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
- You look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
- You have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
- You wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as ”personal communication.”
COMIC – Raiders of the Lost Dissertation
http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=158
Graduate Student Humor Resource Page-
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~danhorn/graduate.html#humor
